You Write the Caption: Schumacher Confers With New Teammate

"I like to bake cup cakes most. You know with those cute little sprinkles they just brighten up my day!"

"Jenson Button is the defending champion! How exactly did that happen?"

Can you believe Sony is delaying "Gran Turismo 5" again?! What's up with that?

"In case they didn't tell you, you are the number 2 driver. When I am coming through move over"

If we put on white helmets, we would look like the Stig!

"I really don't know when to put the tweezers down, do I?"

or

"No, really, a smidgen of moisturizer, a loufa, and a glass of Merlot...that's all it takes."

"Now go get me coffee before I pull a Damon Hill on you... were you even born yet?"

"I am the Stig, I have an FXX, and I do Top Gear just for kicks"

"Have you seen Alonso and his unibrow? He he he"

"Max is throwing a secret party at his house. Bring whips and handcuffs"

"I call dibs on Scherzinger. You can work on Michibata"

^ Correction:
"I am the Stig, I have a FXX, and I do Top Gear just for kicks"

Nico, when I say slow down and let me pass, you must do so!

unt zen i zaid, "no, ist meine wienerschnitzel!" ha ha ha.

"Eddie Griffin once said 'Brother Can't Drive'.
I say, MY brother can't drive"

No seriously, my brother Ralf really was an F1 driver!

"Nico....I think you are really quite pretty."

"...and that's where babies come from"

@ adantium - HILARIOUS!

@ everyone else - game might be over!

"So the agent says, 'what the heck do you call THAT?' And the guy says, 'The Aristocrats!'"

One of my fans asked if you were Leonardo Dicaprio

"This one time, at band camp . . ."

"allow me to pass on the last lap"

"...our car doesn't have IDrive, doesn't it?"

"no more Stig questions...you can't handle the Truth!"

"...Hammond is even shorter than you"

"...if you see a NOx bottle, you're in the wrong car"

"my car is the one with the extra button on the wheel ... don't touch it"

When I start throwing the banana peels, you better be out of the way.

At least this time around I won't have those Toyotas and their sticking pedals to worry about..

"...and that's where babies come from"

"This one time, at band camp . . ."

^^ LOL!! ^^

"I tell you....the lemon zest was the key."

"N A M B L A.....just Google it, you'll see.

"If it weren't for my horse, I never would have spent that year in college"

"So, on TMZ last night....."

Guys, let's keep this clean. Y'all know what happened last week.

No really, your hair needs more product.

...so I said, the clown can stay, but the Ferengi in the gorilla suit has to go!

"I can win just on my good looks."

"The oil is supposed to be for the CAR, not your hair."

"Nico-you do know which "TEAM" I play with right?"

"How much will you give me if I show my Ferrari tattoo to the press?"

"How did the guy in the Edmunds.com t-shirt get in here?"

+1 adantium, hilarious! you walked away with this one, buddy.

"I hope you like my butt. It's going to be all you're seeing of me during races."

Some say, he faked a breakdown to ruin everyone's qualifying
And he was DQ'd for an entire season.
All we know is, he's called the Schuey.

You know, I have a corner on the 'Ring named after me.
They named the Porta-Potty after my brother.

^I did not come up with this.

"My bologna has a second name, it's S-C-H-U-M-A-C-H-E-R."

" If you cup your own cheeks it feels like your really in the NFL ! " " OK , now remember ....you're Flash Gordon and I'm Buck Rogers !"

No, it's not brats. Essence of Schu. Take a big wiff, it'll make you faster.

"Ok buddy, let's keep one thing straight; I'm Michael "The-Schu-in-to-win" Schumacher.

Remember Nico, the safe word is "FLÜGGÅƎNK∂€ČHIŒβØL∫ÊN"

May I smoke my pipe as well?

"Yes, that's right, it's 3 rounds of Pantene Pro-V and then 1/4 cup of Super Hold hair gel. That should keep everything in place at 200 mph."

or

"I know right!? I can't believe it was Adam Lambert! What was America thinking!? But that Simon sure cracks me up!"

"Top Gear's lawyers made us put all these stupid logos on ours suits...."

"Remember who's the star on this team, stay the #@$% out of my way."

"... and that is why everyone thinks that Jesus was the only virgin born child, I have a birth certificate."

no driver's aids? that could be a problem...

...I actually did get lost - the Liana doesn't have a nav system.

..no no no, that was animation. In real life, Bambi's mother would have bled much more.

...and after watching Jurassic Park, I changed all my door handles to knobs.

"Would you like to touch my monkey?"

"Are you familiar with the slingshot?"

"Let's call ourselves Magic Man and El Diablo"

Broil for 5 minutes and baste once more. Add some parsley, it really brings out the flavor...

"Your zipper is down..."

I still don't believe it.....last year you were playing tennis as Maria Sharapova?

I just don't believe it.....last year you were playing golf as Annika?

Pass me just once and see what happens to you.

Oh I just love love, LOVE your highlights? I soooo want to do my hair like that.

I wish they would hurry up... I need wax my eyebrows.

Look kid, I'm the star here.

Don't look now, but that guy, Ed from Edmunds is here...

"My contract is for three years, then they say Jay will be stepping down and I'll take over as host of 'The Tonight Show'."

Be thankful Petronas is our sponsor, not Peniston Oils

What do you say to you and me and a little 'suspension walk around' when we're through here?

Sonny, this is the way the world works - your job is to watch my back. Just don't go sticking your nose up my backside.

"To destroy the One Ring, we could really use the help of you and your Elven brothers...and no, I haven't seen Frodo lately."