The Clorox Disinfecting Wipes The Mechanic Presented by Post-It Super Sticky Notes

This semi-regular column is written (in his own blood) by an automotive sage and noted malcontent, known as The Mechanic. Mercilessly beaten as a child with rolled-up back issues of old car magazines, our free-spoken hero developed a unique "for your own good" take on cars and the auto industry, along with an unfortunate habit of setting himself ablaze. Later, after a distinguished career as an automotive journalist and magazine editor, he cast off the reins of his musty oppressors, carved out his superego with a plastic spork and became The Mechanic.

I just hung up the phone on a Mazda PR wonk. He's tweaked again. Often is, and usually for the same reason.

Wonk: "But it's officially called Mazda Raceway."

"I know."

Wonk: "Then why do you keep calling it Laguna Seca in your articles?"

"Because that's the name of the freakin' place as far as I'm concerned, but more importantly, I do it just to piss you off."

Wonk: "But we wrote a really big check for those naming rights, and if you don't refer to the track as Mazda Raceway, it was a waste of money."

"Not my problem. If you ask me, the 5 million bucks or so it cost you to needlessly change the name of one of my favorite racetracks would have been better spent on product. Let's face it; the RX-8 could use some more power."

Whatever. We'll have the same conversation next week.

At least the Laguna Seca folks didn't totally sell their soul along with the naming rights. The official name of the track still contains some reference to its true name and geographical location: Mazda Raceway Laguna Seca. Oh, excuuuuuuuuse me. I should have written MAZDA Raceway Laguna Seca. Gotta remember those caps or Wonk will surely fire off an angry e-mail.

Let 'em. That's what the Delete button is for.

But Laguna isn't the only victim here. Two other great California tracks, Sears Point International Raceway and California Speedway have also received recent name changes.

Sears Point is now officially called Infineon Raceway, and has been for a few years. Anyone out there know what an Infineon is? Don't bother calling. I don't want to know. And California Speedway in nearby Fontana is now called Auto Club Speedway.

Hey, Auto Club is the outfit that I buy my car insurance from. Does this mean I can now haul ass with impunity? At the very least, I should be entitled to some free track time. I'm calling my agent.

But the American Le Mans Series (ALMS) has a lock on the title of "Stupidest Naming Rights at a Big League Motorsports Event." Here's the opening of a race report I read about the recent Petit Le Mans race: "The battle that everyone expected at Petit Le Mans powered by the Totally New MAZDA6 lived up to its billing. Audi remained unbeaten..."

What? Did Mazda have a car entered? Was it challenging the Audi or something? No such luck. The official name of the event really was the "Petit Le Mans powered by the Totally New MAZDA6" and some poor slob had to actually write that in order to maintain his press pass in good standing. Don't even get Wonk started on that one.

Or how about this one: The "Larry H. Miller Dealerships Utah Grand Prix presented by The Grand and Little America Hotels." Rolls right off the tongue, doesn't it?

Maybe we should rename Insideline.com. I'm thinking something like "Fruit Loops presents Inside Line powered by Pampers." Hey, if the check is big enough....

I'm kidding. I'd quit first. I refuse to participate in this naming B.S. No one paid me for the rights to my sense of geography. Laguna Seca is Laguna Seca. Sears Point is Sears Point. And the day the Indy 500 is run at the Hostess Cakes Speedway at Indianapolis is the day I cancel my Speed Channel subscription.

Meanwhile, rumor has it that Toyota is negotiating with Laguna Seca. They're apparently trying to outbid Mazda for the naming rights when the contract comes up for renewal. If that happens, our Mazda PR friend will instantly join the ranks of competing automakers who steadfastly refer to Laguna Seca as Laguna Seca, and the PR department of the new name-holders will be the ones wagging their fingers at all of us if we refuse to submit.

And I'll still have this to say about it: "Laguna Seca, Laguna Seca, Laguna Seca."

Gotta go. Wonk should be calling any minute. -- The Mechanic, Inside Line Contributor

E-mail me at themechanic@edmunds.com.

Categories: The Mechanic