It will not come as a surprise that the live-action Transformers presumed summer-blockbuster looks like a long-form commercial for General Motors.
It was directed by Michael Bay who has, in fact, directed commercials for General Motors.
The problem with translating a 30-second advertisement to a full-length movie is that, at some point, youâre going to need a script. Not that Transformers, in which two varieties of space-alien robots battle forâ¦um, something or another, doesnât have a script. Or rather it has a motley collection of bits of many action-movie scripts pasted together to form one convoluted mass of competing clichés. This is otherwise known as a summer blockbuster.
Painfully stilted dialog. An improbably hot, female computer analyst. Secret government agencies. Magical cubes. Moronic jocks. Cheap racial stereotypes. Flat jokes delivered by amiable robots that alternately urinate on government buffoons and deliver lines like, “Freedom is the right of all sentient beings.” A clumsy allusion to international terrorism. This is categorically a bad movie and a fine mess.
Now, the simple pleasure of some rock-‘em-sock-‘em robot action is not lost on me, or on the average 8-year-old boy. And I must say that the computer-generated battle scenes are impressive, in a strangely synthetic but hypnotic way. Don’t ask why the robots need to spin and twirl and unfurl in a mechanized ballet instead of just going about the business of destruction. There’s a certain beauty to the swirling confusion.
But the story, such as it is, the actors, such as they are, the lovingly shot General Motors commercial and, well, pretty much everything in the whole tiresome ordeal that’s not a robot battle is tripe.
But fans of the original toys and cartoons from the ‘80s will wallow in the nostalgia of the thing. And next year the name Optimus Prime will fade back to where it has been for the last 20 years, on the shelf right next to Skeletor.
–Daniel Pund, Senior Editor, Detroit
Now, the simple pleasure of some rock-‘em-sock-‘em robot action is not lost on me, or on the average 8-year-old boy. And I must say that the computer-generated battle scenes are impressive, in a strangely synthetic but hypnotic way. Don’t ask why the robots need to spin and twirl and unfurl in a mechanized ballet instead of just going about the business of destruction. There’s a certain beauty to the swirling confusion.
But the story, such as it is, the actors, such as they are, the lovingly shot General Motors commercial and, well, pretty much everything in the whole tiresome ordeal that’s not a robot battle is tripe.
But fans of the original toys and cartoons from the ‘80s will wallow in the nostalgia of the thing. And next year the name Optimus Prime will fade back to where it has been for the last 20 years, on the shelf right next to Skeletor.
–Daniel Pund, Senior Editor, Detroit
carlisimo says:
08:29 AM, 06/28/07
"But fans of the original toys and cartoons from the ‘80s will wallow in the nostalgia of the thing."
That's the only thing I'm not sure about; I'm a fan, but I can't get myself excited about this movie. It's a movie about GM's cars, not about the Transformers...
estreka says:
09:44 AM, 06/28/07
Oh, I'm absolutely expecting it to be a horrible movie. As stated, I intend to see the robots.
trackwrex says:
11:03 AM, 06/28/07
okay, i'm a HUGE TF fan. admittedly a TF geek since i know the background lore and most (if not all) of the characters, backgrounds, duties, etc. all the way from G1 to Energon/Cybertron series. Yes, i even know the background and storylines from Zone and all of the Japanese series. i'm proud of it- especially since i'm working on a storyline right now that i'll be pitching to IDW (the guys doing the comics). :)
NOW. that being said... i saw the LA premiere last night (and was at the afterparty until way early this morning) and what were my impressions? AWESOME. worth the price of admission for people who were fans of old. Just remember, blackout and barricade are from the Energon series. They mixed things up a bit so... don't expect it all to be G1. now onto plot. what plot??? i have to agree that there was nothing in the plot- barely a background on cybertron... sector seven, for a top secret govt. organization, was completely incompetent and those guys were laughable... why even have these guys??? whatever. at least the characterizations were right on... i was really happy about that. jazz was a bit overkill in come areas but his transformation sequences were very well done (SPOILER: but i was ticked that HE DIED IN THE END!!!!)... ratchet was ratchet, ironhide was how ironhide should've been- as a warrior and not too sympathetic towards humans initially... bumblebee's character paid homage to who he was in g1.
dialogue was iffy at best... but in response to Mr. Pund's critique of Optimus' script- that was decided by fans. "Freedom is the right of all sentient beings", "Autobots, Roll Out", "One shall stand, one shall fall" are all classic lines from the G1 series and the movie. Cheesy? yes. But classic. It wouldn't have been Optimus without those lines. I hated it when Optimus said, "my bad" though. UGH! that was out of character. now. the robots NEEDED to "spin and twirl" because they're to reflect the "fluid, organic" nature to them. I would hate to watch a movie where they're all blundering about and running into each other due to their lack of mobility... they're supposed to be an advanced mechanoid being and it showed.... i guess that's about all to say from my end... sorry for the length of this reply...
nicki0626 says:
08:50 PM, 07/ 2/07
Ok.. I dont know what your guys are talking about! Transformers was probably one of the best movies ever. There was constant action. Never during the movie was I bored. Yea the movie had like a GM vs. Ford but thats what made it even better. I think that you people who are saying how HORRIBLE you expect the film to be, must seriously have a stick up your ass. Enough said. Transformers was an awesome movie!
robbm says:
12:39 AM, 07/ 3/07
Apparently, Daniel Pund knows cars. Cars are his life, his living, his bread and butter.
So, why would you send an old, crusty, stick in the butt car enthusiast to review this movie? Just because it has cars in it?
That makes about as much sense as sending a professional surfer and lifelong beach bum to a wine-tasting symposium in Italy to review the years best selections of Cabernet's and Shiraz's. Exactly what does Mr. Pund know about the transformers, anyways?
Not knowing anything about the story behind the transformers, the characters, the history, or what the movie might mean to those of us who were captivated by the magic and wonderment of the Autobots, Decepticons and Cybertron as children, I doubt the movie had ANY significance to Mr. Pund whatsoever.
However, to me, my best friend, and the hundreds of fellow Transformer fans and enthusiasts that attended the movie tonight, we understood the subtle inside jokes that the film was peppered with, and it was great to relive the wonder of the Transformers again.
I absolutely and unequivocally enjoyed this movie, from the opening sequence, to the final credits. It was the culmination of childhood fantasy, unabashed imagination, and youthful make believe, all in one two hour trip down memory lane. It was WONDERFUL to feel like a 7 year old kid with a brand new transformer, sitting in front of the TV on a Saturday morning, staring in bewilderment at these magical and wonderful toys coming to life.
As for Mr. Pund... Perhaps next time they'll send someone who won't expect so much reality and authenticity from a movie about giant, transforming robots from outer space that come to Earth looking for a new world to inhabit.
After all, you wouldn't send someone who could care less and knew NOTHING about cars and the automotive industry to review a film about classic vehicles, would you?
Robb McCaghren
www.novusphotography.ca
SubyTrojan says:
12:38 AM, 07/ 5/07
I'm so glad I didn't read this before I saw the movie earlier tonight (July 4th)! I'm not nearly as big of a fan as Rex, a.k.a. trackwrex, but I really enjoyed it! My toys of choice as a young lad were Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Legos.
ateixeira says:
11:56 AM, 07/ 5/07
Better than Redline ain't saying much. ;-)
trackwrex says:
03:47 PM, 07/ 5/07
hey guys, i wanted to chime in again about this... did you guys read reviews? a lot of critics (i.e. the ones who get paid to review movies) were also saying that it's a bad movie- although it just might become one of the biggest blockbusters of all time.. seriously though, remember that blogs live because of feedback so yes, mr. pund wasn't "in tune" with the movie, but there's a lot of us that are... i'm both an auto enthusiast AND a TF megafan- i mean, hey, as a young boy, what were my two favorite things? cars and robots. well, anything and robots really. so... :) all i'm basically saying is this: everyone's entitled to their own opinion. :) and mine is that TF needs to have a 2nd AND 3rd movie. For the TF geeks, here are two phrases I'd like to call out: "Dinobots forever!" and "Wreckers, UNITE!". Heh. :)
trackwrex says:
03:53 PM, 07/ 5/07
btw, my two cents about who they could've killed off instead of jazz: ratchet. they could've had wheeljack or perceptor or first aid take over in the next movie! c'mon! NOT JAZZ! sorry- yeah, i'm still fuming about that...