Movie Review: Redline

This isn't the sort of debate that will rage for very long since, well, no one here cares that much or has the energy to prolong it. But what's undeniable is that Redline flat-out sucks.

Redline takes place in an alternate reality where street racing at 200 mph in exotic cars for multimillion dollar bets is commonplace, and all the women are smokin' hot babes who wear clothes two sizes too small so they're constantly on the verge of bursting out of them.

The story centers on "Natasha Martin" (played by Executive Producer Daniel Sadek's former fiancee Nadia Bjorlin) who is a rock-and-roll singer when she's not working tuner magic with her wrenches. Also, she's the world's best driver and really knows how to handle a mascara wand. And of all the hot babes, well, she's the smokin'-est.



The story sort of meanders all over the place hitting every cliche imaginable while it lurches about. Natasha's dad, of course, was killed while driving a racecar -- in fact he was apparently killed during the making of Days Of Thunder since the footage of his crash is swiped from that film and digitally altered (look closely, the name of Tom Cruise's character "Cole Trickle" from the older film is still on the car's roof).

Then there's the hot-headed Iraq vet (Nathan Phillips), he's Natasha's love interest whose brother (Jesse Johnson) dies while driving the Lamborghini Diablo owned by their crazed counterfeiter uncle (Angus Mcfadyean) which, naturally, only makes the vet's head hotter. Then there's Natasha's mom (Barbara Niven) whose sole purpose is to be kidnapped and Tim Matheson as a Hollywood producer because, it seems, Tim Matheson needed a job. And Eddie Griffin plays music impresario "Infamous" because, well, we don't know why.

But amid all the goofy dialogue, stupid plot twists, hammy acting, unmotivated fistfights, crappy special effects and long, loving shots of well-toned feminine butts, there are the cars. It truly is a mind-boggling display of exotic sheet metal. Taken straight from Daniel Sadek's personal collection are Ferrari Enzos and 612s, Porsche Carrera GTs, Lamborghini Murcielagos, Ford GTs and Mercedes SLRs. Too bad the movie doesn't do anything interesting with them.



Sure, all these cars are capable of insane velocities, but they never actually look like they're going very fast in Redline . One telltale proof of that is that the Carrera GT has a rear wing that rises 6 inches when the car exceeds 75 mph -- that wing is down during most shots even though the film keeps showing the car's speedometer pegged at 200 mph. For anyone who knows cars, the driving here is simply ludicrous. If the maneuvers they show here were actually performed at speed, all that would result is wrecked cars and dead drivers.

To be blunt, all the races and chases in this film are incompetently shot and unconvincing. There are no thrills -- none, zero, zip, nada -- in this movie.

Keeping track of all the mechanical impossibilities on display in Redline would be a mighty and difficult task. There's easy stuff to notice here like the Z06 Corvette that magically becomes a stock C5 Convertible when it's time to wreck it, or the Ferrari 612 Scaglietti that transforms into a clapped-out 456 GT before meeting its demise. But the more subtle errors -- like hitting the nitrous system only after a car is at top speed and running at redline -- are the ones that will make anyone knowledgeable cringe. Very few car movies are technically correct, but this one makes The Fast and the Furious seem as authoritative as the Encyclopedia Britannica .

Nadia Bjorlin isn't much of an actress and she's forced to sing some of the worst rock-and-roll songs ever composed in this film. But she does have an absolutely stunning pair of cobalt blue eyes. So the best thing about Redline is that it's in color.



-- John Pearley Huffman, Contributor