2009 BMW M3: Nine Observations on other Drivers

Nice writeup Chris!

What category would you put Bimmer drivers in? I would characterize them as the worst combination of Passive Aggressive D-bag+Tommy Tailgater+Dexter Darter.

Masshole Marvin: A person who subscribes to two or more of the conditions above. This person may be from anywhere in Southern New England, New Jersey, and New York. They typically just don't care about any speed limit signs and write them all off as mere "suggestions". Also, they are perpetually unaware of their incredibly bad driving, and have no interest in thinking about any other motorist but themselves. Lastly, they tend to think they are the most important thing in the universe.

very nice post chris.

I guess i tend to be Dexter Darter (sometimes) but what drives me absolutely crazy are all the Careful Calvins out there

What about D-Bag 3 series driver?? That should have been the first one.

Either driving a 328i with no options and constantly talking on cell phone, or pulling out into the road from a starbucks parking lot without even looking to see that he/she cut you off.

Or.... M3 driver that is always a D-Bag guy, probably wearing a BMW or M baseball cap. He is probably in crazy amounts of debt but wants to be considered hip, and wouldnt be seen in a lowly 335i.

Oh, and I forgot... D-Bag M3 driver is always listening to techno music with his windows down, and is constantly looking at you to make sure that you are witnessing his bad-assness.

I'm Tommy Tailgater, but only when driving behind Juan Todriverealslowfornoreason.

What's with all the hate on 3 series and BMW drivers in general? There are idiots that drive all makes.

I don't hate BMW driver's, they just usually fall into the stereotype. They drive BMW's, not for the driving dynamics, but for the brand name.

Dumb Daisy - too stupid to maintain constant speed in hilly terrain combined with lack of ability to push the magic button called "cruise". easily identified when you're giving them the death stare after passing them for the 4-millionth time by the look on their face that resembles that of a cow as it's walking up the ramp into the slaughter house.

There are just too many to list... let's just copy germany's licensing system and call it a day

Ricy Ricardo: someone who is driving a car that is riced-out with unnecessarily-sized wings, fart pipes and stupidly sized wheels thinking he is Speed Racer and tries to outgun everyone, only to be beaten by a 10-year old, anemic V6 family sedan.

Egotistical Emily: soccer mom who drives an SUV, crossover or mutant wagon (Venza, Pacifica, etc.) with family stickers on the back window, who thinks and drives like she is the most important person in the world and on the road. Usual accessories include: cell phones, one or two kids, no kids but video screens playing Spongebob, purse on lap looking for whatever, latte or mocha in hand, make-up kit on dashboard.

Left Lane Larry: Sits in the No. 1 lane and drives the speed limit. In Europe, this is a hanging offense. In the U.S. we should be allowed to "bump" him out of the way. The left lane is for passing, buddy.

Death Wish Danny: The driver who takes it upon himself to edge out motorcyclists that are splitting lanes (BTW, spliiting lanes IS legal in California). Apparently he thinks bikers are "cheating". Danny doesn't realize that many moto-guys have armored gloves that can do considerable damage to their cars, nor does he realize that his actions can be construed as attempted murder.

Flip Spyder: A otherwise unassuming driver in a 5-15 year old pickup with few if any exterior mods, that everyone passes thinking "He won't get around me." then suddenly in a burst of raw power and noise jumps ahead of you and two other people too busy to notice. Generally follows speed limits, has 3-4 car lengths between them, and doesn't change lanes often. Heavily downplayed version of Bobby Flat-Biller. Opposite: Hybrid Harvey and Ricy Ricardo (credit to questionlp).

Fat Billy: Drives any vehicle so overloaded that the tires are misshapen, the suspension is shot, and often cargo is not secured properly. Tends to speed and otherwise drive violently.

horney harry: That guy who honks his horn .000000001 milliseconds after the light turns green and sees your tailights are still illuminated as if you were asleep at the wheel. Not everyone cares about trying to develop traffic light ESP.

Gogo george: That guy in opposite traffic who decides to make a left hand turn as you make a right hand turn just becuase there are 2 lanes. As if you'll never need to make a right hand turn into the left lane.

I hate No. Va.

Lucy the lurker is usually on her phone, too...

"Left Lane Larry: Sits in the No. 1 lane and drives the speed limit. In Europe, this is a hanging offense. In the U.S. we should be allowed to "bump" him out of the way. The left lane is for passing, buddy."

I Hate These People.

"Flip Spyder: A otherwise unassuming driver in a 5-15 year old pickup with few if any exterior mods, that everyone passes thinking "He won't get around me." then suddenly in a burst of raw power and noise jumps ahead of you and two other people too busy to notice. Generally follows speed limits, has 3-4 car lengths between them, and doesn't change lanes often. Heavily downplayed version of Bobby Flat-Biller. Opposite: Hybrid Harvey and Ricy Ricardo (credit to questionlp)."

You're on to me! I don't get the name though.

hilarious entry, and so true. I had a lucy the lurker the other day and I had to speed up quite a bit just to get away from them and pass them.

I came up in the left lane and when I was next to them, they started to match my speed. I sped up by just ONE MPH and started to pass them but then they did the exact same thing and started to go along with me, side by side. it was incredibly obnoxious until I decided to pass them.

hilarious entry, and so true. I had a lucy the lurker the other day and I had to speed up quite a bit just to get away from them and pass them.

I came up in the left lane and when I was next to them, they started to match my speed. I sped up by just ONE MPH and started to pass them but then they did the exact same thing and started to go along with me, side by side. it was incredibly obnoxious until I decided to pass them.

Barry Contrary: Dudes that get SO wound-up about people choosing to drive hybrids, they have to regurgitate inaccurate talking points and generally remind us of their distaste ALL. THE. TIME.

Point of order: I do not own a hybrid, nor do I plan to in the near future...but I live in what is arguably the hybrid capital (Los Angeles), and I have NEVER witnessed any of the driving infractions that ALL hybrid drivers are accused of ALWAYS doing.

Sorry for the buzzkill. Hey, the rest of the post was really good!

Barry Contrary: Dudes that get SO wound-up about people choosing to drive hybrids, they have to regurgitate inaccurate talking points and generally remind us of their distaste ALL. THE. TIME.

Point of order: I do not own a hybrid, nor do I plan to in the near future...but I live in what is arguably the hybrid capital (Los Angeles), and I have NEVER witnessed any of the driving infractions that ALL hybrid drivers are accused of ALWAYS doing.

Sorry for the buzzkill. Hey, the rest of the post was really good!

hilarious entry, and so true. I had a lucy the lurker the other day and I had to speed up quite a bit just to get away from them and pass them.

I came up in the left lane and when I was next to them, they started to match my speed. I sped up by just ONE MPH and started to pass them but then they did the exact same thing and started to go along with me, side by side. it was incredibly obnoxious until I decided to pass them.

As for driving in the left lane at the speed limit, there are actually some people who need to turn left at one of the intersections ahead and don't want to merge into the left lane at the last minute (personally, other drivers in the past have refused to slow down and let me change lanes, thus I stay in the left lane when I get the chance).

And besides, by law, it's perfectly legal to drive the speed limit in the left lane since technically no one should be driving faster than the speed limit. If you want to speed, go ahead. You'll be the one that gets pulled over, and I'll be the one laughing my butt off as I go by you.

Call me stubborn, but it always angers me when people get upset over others going the speed limit, regardless of what lane they're in. We're doing everything correctly. If we're holding you up or something, leave home earlier. It's that simple. There are more things in life to worry about than wondering why the heck the guy in the left lane is only going 65 in a 65 and everyone else is going 70.

@lvranger

They are two of the screen names of guys I know from the Ford Truck Enthusiast (FTE) forums that are in my chapter.

vt8919,
No you are not doing it correctly. Whether it is the letter of the law, one should always BEAR RIGHT EXCEPT TO PASS.
I abide by this code no matter I'm doing PSL or PSL+90. (Yes I have done both, and every speed in between).

got a new one:

The vt8919 - A smug, pious, obnoxious, self righteous douchebag who feels it is his duty in life to govern the behavior of everyone around him. Most often drives a Buick, Neon, or Civic Hybrid. Thinks he's a member of law enforcement, but isn't. Is unaware that in many states sitting the the passing lane while not passing other cars IS illegal. His morally superior attitude and actions cause most other drivers to fantasize about practicing the police PIT Maneuver on him; instead his basic lack of courtesy toward others forces them to pass him on the right. On the plus-side, his boy scout leader is very proud of him.

Hypermiler Harry: Intentionally varies his speed between 50mph and 20mph, completely contrary to the flow of traffic. Believes everyone should drive like him. Until they do, it's his mission to demonstrate how much more intelligent he is than the common people.

Competitive Carl: So pathetically insecure about the underwhelming company his car comes from that he lashes out at vehicles from competing brands. He knows in his heart that his car really isn't worth the asking price, impresses no one, and in general just wasn't a smart purchase, so when he sees the car he SHOULD have bought, he takes the juvenile approach of putting it down, rather than admit it's superior.

Rural Ralph: Lived in the country so long that he's generally just clueless. Drives with no headlights way past dusk, as his belief is so long as he can see, who cares if others can't see him. Right turns are perfectly fine from the right lane, has no interest in using the turn lane. If cars are approaching at highway speeds, oh well; he's going to pull onto the highway ahead of them, to get to his turn two minutes down the road just that much quicker.

"As if you'll never need to make a right hand turn into the left lane."

Isn't that illegal? It is here.

Oblivious Oliver: the inbred cousin of Left Lane Larry and Hypermiler Harry who consistently drives between 5 and 15 km/h (3 to 10 mph for you yanks) because there is a traffic light 2 to 3 km up ahead and he will have to stop anyway. Then he accelerates away from the stop light at a rate equivalent to getting out and pushing. Unfortunately, Oliver tends to be insecure and travel in packs - side by side.

School Zone Sally and her brother Playground Zone Pete: rip through reduced speed zones at normal speeds or above. They can be identified out of their vehicles as the ones complaining loudly about the $250 fines and 4 demerit penalty for passing in a school / playground zone.

Truck Trick Tommy: passes (cargo) trucks just before the traffic light and pulls in front so he won't be stuck behind the truck when the light changes. Tommy assumes the driver expects such behavior and will be able to stop in time.

@vt8919,

"As for driving in the left lane at the speed limit, there are actually some people who need to turn left at one of the intersections ahead and don't want to merge into the left lane at the last minute"

Freeways don't have intersections. It's generally perfectly acceptable to drive in the left lane on other roadways that have left turns.

"And besides, by law, it's perfectly legal to drive the speed limit in the left lane since technically no one should be driving faster than the speed limit"

First off you're wrong. In numerous states it's THE LAW to get the f- out of the left lane unless you're passing, regardless of speed limit. In some states you can actually be pulled over and given a ticket simply for driving in the left lane. Secondly, this attitude really pisses me off. You're impeding the flow of traffic and actually creating congestion behind you by blocking a passing lane, so thanks a lot for that.

Shelley Celly: Provides minimal effort at driving while maximizing her cell phone usage. Easily identifiable by the constant swerving and complete disregard for other motorists.

Egotistical Edward: Drives past 50 people waiting patiently for their turn to exit the freeway and slams on his brakes, causing cars behind him to slam on their brakes or swerve in front of other faster cars, to cut-off someone almost to the front of the backup. Because his time and life is so much more valuable than everyone else, and so he can get where he is going two minutes faster. Also directly related to Vain Vicki who passes everyone in a lane clearly marked as closed in 1/2 mile to cut off someone who merged and patiently waiting their turn.

That you for that description of my ex-wife, challenger_rt! She is the female version of egotistical edward and vain vicki. I asked her why she does that and every other word in her explaination was "I." That said it all ...

"Call me stubborn, but it always angers me when people get upset over others going the speed limit, regardless of what lane they're in. We're doing everything correctly. If we're holding you up or something, leave home earlier. It's that simple. There are more things in life to worry about than wondering why the heck the guy in the left lane is only going 65 in a 65 and everyone else is going 70."

I suspect that if I looked up "self-righteous inconsiderate dimwit" in the dictionary I would find your picture.

Preoccupied Paula

Doing your makeup, talking on your cellphone, typing on your laptop, reading a book, arguing with your husband, screaming at your children. Any of these things are far more important than keeping your hands on the wheel and paying attention to what you're about to hit at 60mph. Includes sitting at a stoplight 30+ seconds after it's turned green, ignoring the honking from everyone behind you to MOVE IT!

Conspicuous Consumption Carl:

The human peacock. So desperately wants to project an image of success, he leases a car far beyond his means. If you want to know where all the 3000 mile M3, RS4, 911's and AMG cars on dealer lots come from, you can thank Conspicuous Consumption Carl.

These are funny!

I was going to say Tabitha Texter, but someone put Shelly Cell instead. Same person.

Teddy Turbo: The ones that are ALWAYS speeding and flying ahead of traffic. Usually Vw/Audi drivers and lately Civic and Mazda 3 drivers! I am guilty of this one.

Wet-Road Wanda: When one drop of water hits her windshield, she cuts her speed in half and sets her wipers to the maximum speed. When it rains hard, she goes 10 in a 60 with her hazard lights flashing but with no taillights on to effective give her position to other drivers.

Dawling Duke: Always driving 10mph below the speed limit. Closely related to Hybrid Harvey and Careful Calvin, but he neither drives a hybrid nor carefully. He just likes to stay under the limit. Also usually accompanied by Left-Lane Larry or his speculated wife, Dumb Daisy.

@ vt8919

I have to wonder if you've ever actually read the driving handbook from the DMV in any state.

The rule almost everywhere I've been in the continental US for the left lane is that you A) must be passing, and B) must follow the flow of traffic so as not to cause congestion.

The left lane of the highway is called the passing lane for a reason. And it is legal to go over the speed limit if you are following the flow of traffic. If everyone else in the left lane is going 80mph, you are required by law to match that speed or move to a reduced speed lane. You WILL eventually get pulled over for causing congestion, and then I will be the one laughing my ass off at you!

You're obstinate and self-righteous attitude shows why so many drivers out there are causing accidents and congestion unnecessarily. I suggest you go take a driving course at traffic school to refresh.