2008 BMW X5: You Write the Caption

Free Desert Camoflauge

When reintroduced to the wild, urban raised off-roader demands a hand wash NOW!

Sir, the experiment has escaped. We're chasing it down before it breaks a wheel.

Dear, why'd you pack a shovel for dinner and a movie?

Future Humvee replacement in development.

A possible future post by a road test editor

"The damage was caused by a large, errant rock placed into the twin kidney grill at a very high velocity"

For the radiator, A/C condensor, oil coolers and fans, the repairs came to the cost of 1 Honda Fit..

"Ah...A rare species in the desert..."

"I sense a hand wax in my future" - X5

"The Way to Dusty Death"

yes, you can get it dirty

"Caution This Vehicle Needs Frequent Cleaning"

I have a 4.8L V8! Eat my dust!

BMW: The Ultimate Dusting Machine

Bayerische Matsch Werke (Bavarian Mud Works)

BMW introduces their new "I-Dirt" system

"Oh Reginald, Darling! Rodéo drive indeed!"

I TOLD you we should have sprung for the nav system!

"Dusty is my middle name."

"Off the road again."

"I'll show them! BMW really means Burly Manly Weehicle!"

"After testing the on-road X5 in an off-read environment, we discovered what BMW means: Bent and Mangled Wreck."

"Can kick up a cloud of trailing dust almost as thick as the cloud of trailing snootiness."

"The X5: so stable off-road, you won't even spill your martini."

"Making tracks on the track and off the track."

"We had to follow it with a real off-roader just in case."

"Roads? Where we're going, we don't need roads." - Doc Brown

"When 'all washed up' is a happy ending."

"Where no BMW owner has gone before!"

"Auditioning for a role in 'The Search for Spock 2'."

"Roads? We don't need no stinking roads!"

"iDrive" off road!

X5: "What the devil?! Interesting terrain... OU! I just broke a nail!"

X5: 'Last one to those bushes is a station wagon!'

Is this what IL means by 'closed circuit course'?

I can't show up in Beverly Hills like this!

Days until next air filter change: 0

"Just another example of Edmunds editors "abusing" a vehicle by driving it exactly the way it was intended to be driven."

"What you can't see is the STi behind them that they're dragging out into the desert to bury."

Fist, meet velvet glove.

"Somewhere, Riswick is scrambling to find his slippers."

(said like "motorboat")

Moh-oh-oh-ter-er-er-Wer-er-er-rks-ss-ss

Oldham flees to Mexico before the CHP can nail him for doing 90MPH in the Edmunds LT Smart

--That's no off-roader...that's a BMW!

--Look Ma, no roads.

--BMW...the Ultimate Desert Machine?

--Let's see a Q7 do THIS...

--Let's see that stupid ShamWow clean up THIS mess...

--This is NOT I meant when I said to sand it down before putting a new coat of paint on...

--See? I told you it doesn't explode when you get dirt on it.

New method for smuggling cars, hide it under some dirt and say it's a Equinox.

Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty

On the rear window write with your finger "Wash Me!"

"So I'm driving down the freeway and click on the ol' iDrive to change the radio station, and I end up here?!?! WTF?"

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

"Honey, can we just stop and ask for directions?!"

Is this...dirt? Noooooooooo!

"Honey I'm late to Ryan Seacrest's purse party!"
"Honey how do you use this iDrive thing again???"

I said Rodeo Drive, not drive me to a Rodeo

Back to the Future IV

Typical California highway in the days of the budget crisis.

Good thing the new IL interns will wash it.

I told iDrive 'no freeways' and it routed me here.

The dealer said they'd throw in free washes for life.

We took extreme measures to avoid traffic on the 405.

"No one is taking away my bonus!" screamed the AIG executive as he made a run for the border.

This doesn't look like Palm Springs. Damn iDrive.

+1 BMW: The Ultimate Dusting Machine

+1 Oldham flees to Mexico before the CHP can nail him for doing 90MPH in the Edmunds LT Smart

-4 "Somewhere, Riswick is scrambling to find his slippers."

-4 "Somewhere, Riswick is scrambling to find his slippers."

I take that as an admission of slipper ownership...

Yuppie version of the Grapes of Wrath

Lost on unpaved desert road: Driver blames iDrive.

Cue the Indiana Jones theme song.

"All we are is dust in the wind..."

Link referencing Riswicks preference for driving Luxo-SUV's with his slippers on: It's in McGrath's last paragraph.

http://blogs.edmunds.com/strategies/2009/03/face-off-mercedes-benz-g550-vs-range-rover-supercharged.html

X5: "I think they said the Smart blew out this way..."

Dust Bunny x5

"That ain't my car..."

"LT test vehicle: Drive like you stole it"

"10 ways to ID a LT test vehicle: #6. When the luxury crossover is off road"

"OMG OMG OMG, X5 with DIRT!!"

Daniel Day Lewis stars in the BMW training film "There will be Dirt"

The Colin Farrell of Vehicles.

(Foreign, pretty, and capable of getting dirty).

BMW's new training film "There will be Dirt"

or how I spilled your milkshake in an X5.

BMW X5 - Expect the Unexpected

Helping to clear California's latest freeway manace, the BMW X5 blazes a trail for the snowplows-cum-sandplows!

Damn! Thats a big dust bunny!

Redo:
"I don't know how I got here officer, the last thing I remember is trying out the iDrive to change the radio. Then everything went black."

Nasa has just introduced the next Mars Lander

Another one bites the dust.

Thelma & Louise 2009.

Rommel, you magnificent bastard, I read your book.

-Be free X5!

-Got it! The last SUV as we know it.

-(As if the X5 is thinking)
Finally, someone who understands.

"Insideline: Surviving the apocalypse."

or

"Insideline: They don't make em' like they use to."

-X5: Are you sure this is what other SUV's do?

-How would you test an air filter?

I can't believe we're having to park THIS far away from the Pottery Barn.

It's like having the SMART on the Nürburgring.

I knew I should have made that left turn at Albuquerque!

"But the navigation system says we are on Las Vegas boulevard!"