No not really. But I bet it got your attention.
After spending a day and change driving a Porsche 911 Targa 4S, I switched into our long-term Nissan Versa. I'm going to toot my own horn here and say a lesser man may have committed hari-kari right there in the parking lot. (Actually, I was thinking about it, but there's never a samurai sword around when you need one). Driving these two cars back to back is like looking at a Chihuahua and a St. Bernhard and wondering, "how are these things part of the same species?" The change in clutch alone had me herking and jerking in the Versa like a 15 year old at driver's ed.
Still, in an effort to look on the bright side of life, I decided to come up with the Top 10 Ways in which the Nissan Versa is better than a Porsche 911 Targa. Should prove useful if you ever find yourself in a similar predicament.
- Versa's back seat can seat someone larger than Verne Troyer.
- The Versa has an MP3 auxiliary jack. In the Porsche, you're stuck with something called "CDs" and "FM."
- No constant stream of people asking you about the Versa. Talking to people you don't know is creepy -- unless on MySpace.
- The 911's engine is in the back? What is this, Bizarro world?
- "What's the difference between a porcupine and a Porsche? With the porcupine, the prick's on the outside." No such Versa joke exists.
- Versa's ignition is not only keyless, it's not on the left side of the steering column. Again, what is this, Bizarro world?
- The Versa's clutch feels like Jell-O. Mmmmm Jell-O.
- The Versa's comfy, La-Z-Boy seats don't make me feel self-conscious about my love handles. Lateral support is so disheartening.
- Those funny Versa ads that look like they were done by the Cialis people.
- The Versa doesn't have a "frunk."
James Riswick, Associate Editor @ 6,043 miles
SubyTrojan says:
11:48 AM, 07/13/07
Brilliant, James! I missed the LT blog comedy!
pengwin says:
01:00 PM, 07/13/07
im gonna use #5 a lot.
desmolicious says:
01:41 PM, 07/13/07
I just saw Verne drive down the street, by himself. He has, of all things, a Mitsu Montero Sport. Wild guess here, but I think it has some interior mods..
"Mini-me, you complete me!"
bimmerjay says:
03:38 PM, 07/13/07
Best LT blog *ever*.
Btw, the Versa looks about the size of an Odyssey in that pic compared to the 911.
iancar says:
03:51 PM, 07/13/07
Porsche's backseats are the perfect excuse for not driving in-laws and friends
Porsche has a superior soundtrack with roof or window down.
More offensive to your highschool bullies than the middle finger
The 911's engine is in the back, making it stop quicker than mountain bikes
"No, no, no; that's not a Datsun, again NOT A DATSUN!"
With keys, you can pull it out in the pub. Keyless? sorry, no show off.
What's the point of a clutch for a car design for transporting people from point A to point B?
Porsche's sport seats remind you and your mate: "you still have waistlines"
Driving a Porsche is a perfect ads for yourselves: "I am rich!"
Porsche doesnt have to go to Ikea, HomeDepot, or Highschool.
autoboy16 says:
03:52 PM, 07/13/07
... I don't get #5.... Post or comment...
-Cj
jriz says:
04:08 PM, 07/13/07
bimmerjay -- I'm glad you mentioned the size difference. It really is comical.
unibody says:
11:24 AM, 07/14/07
7. The Versa's clutch feels like Jell-O. Mmmmm Jell-O.
LOLOL good one!
gabbo241 says:
06:27 AM, 07/15/07
well, at least the versa gets good mileage and doesn't require premium fuel. What kind of highway mileage does the Porsche 3.6 get? I imagine not too shabby, given that the 911 isn't that heavy. Still, premium fuel. I've read at C&D that the Versa's mileage isn't so stellar in comparison to other subcompacts.
rkoe36 says:
06:45 AM, 07/16/07
Hate to be a hater, I mean, I wish I got to post on a blog and drive hot (and, to be fair, not so hot) cars all day long, but, come on, James, it's harakiri if you're going to use the crude "belly-cutting" word for honorable suicide. The preferred is seppuku. But otherwise, great post. Love #5 on the list!
jriz says:
09:11 AM, 07/16/07
True, true. I knew that it was hara-kiri, however, I went with the incorrect, anglicized version for laughs. Also, seppuku isn't technically committed with a samurai sword. According to "The Samurai Way of Death, Samurai: The World of the Warrior" (ch.4) by Dr. Stephen Turnbull, "Seppuku was commonly performed using a tantō," or a common Japanese single or, occasionally, double edged knife or dagger with a blade length between 15 and 30 cm. But I figured if I said "There's never a Tanto around when you need one," people would wonder why I was looking for the Lone Ranger's Native American sidekick.
rennf says:
09:51 AM, 07/16/07
I started to post in Japanese only to realize the site doesn't seem to accept 2-byte characters. So romaji it is.
--> James, omigoto ja!
and nice Tanto reference - LOL. :)
rkoe36 says:
09:56 AM, 07/16/07
Yep. I agree, great post. Thanks for not blasting me. I new it sounded pissy when I typed it. I hope everyone doesn't want to hurt me now, tanto or no. Gomen nasai.
jriz says:
10:29 AM, 07/16/07
rennf -- Thank you...I hope. I'll just assume that you didn't say I'm lower than rat excrement or something. My Japanese sadly extends not much further than what I've gleaned from "You Only Live Twice" and "Iron Chef."
actualsize says:
10:51 AM, 07/16/07
That's odd. From the knifeplay example you cite I would have guessed "Kill Bill" Volumes 1 and 2.
orbit9090 says:
09:32 AM, 07/20/07
Premature comparison of French (Renault\Nissan) vs. German (Porche\VW) vehicles. I imagine the Porche will soon suffer from German-esque electrical problems and oil leaks, while the Renault (Nissan) will exhibit French-like shudders, shakes, rattles, and interior body parts that fall off when breathed on.
"That's hot."
bentleymansam says:
12:07 AM, 08/ 7/07
lancar, luv ur post. lol.. but i dont c how anyone w the money to buy a porsche would ever choose a 20K NISSAN over a 911. ud have 2 b CRAZY!
altimadude00 says:
01:14 PM, 02/28/08
Leave your text messaging type at the front door. We speak in actual words here.