I need Hugh Grant and Sandra Bullock for my romantic comedy movie pitch. Perhaps Julia Roberts and Richard Gere. One of them will have to play a character inspired by a 5,420-pound German sport utility vehicle, but I think ol' Jules can pull it off. My "rom-com" is inspired by my last two nights in the Q7 and the premise is this: Boy meets a beautiful, well-dressed, rich, incredibly intelligent girl. For all intents and purposes, she should be perfect, a girl of his dreams. Unfortunately, she has about 1 million little quirks, annoyances and oddities that drive him absolutely bat-schmidt crazy. I haven't decided whether the story ends with them eventually falling madly in love, or him becoming so annoyed that he arranges for her to join a Dick Cheney hunting party.
See, I want to like the Q7. The ride is solid and definitely German, the steering is direct and communicative, and the ride height is not so far off the ground that I feel like I'm driving a tractor. The excellent sideview mirrors are large and a useful shape. The interior is spectacular -- beautifully constructed, top-quality materials, rich leather, dense carpet and THE best steering wheel I've grasped in a long time. Its contours at 3 and 10 are the exact shape of my lower thumbs and its leather is grippy. This alone, should make me love the Q7.
Yet, as the above script goes, the Q7 also has so many little things that drive me absolutely bonkers.
- The driver and passenger seat belt beeper goes off when you're in park, not going anywhere and definitely not in need of a seatbelt. As I sat in my garage last night trying to figure out MMI, the thing got so indignant that I finally gave up, looking like a rube as I sat motionless with my seatbelt on.
- Despite a thorough inspection of all the dash's buttons and MMI's menus, I still can't figure out how to operate the trip computer to find out our average fuel economy. Yes people, I can check the manual, but I usually never have to. It's usually obvious.
- On Wednesday night I got into the car, sat for a minute to figure out MMI then suddenly felt as if my posterior was on fire. The previous driver had left the seat heaters on Level 5 (in Los Angeles!!! I guess I missed the snow storm), but I couldn't immediately figure out how to lower the temperature. As my pants began to singe, I finally figured out that you have to first press the seat heater button, then look at the MMI screen or temperature read out, then turn a dial down to the desired heat level. Seriously, why is it that complicated? What was wrong with Audi's old scrolling wheel? It would take up just as much space as the seat heater button and requires fewer steps and less annoyance.
- And then there's MMI. Yes, it's better than COMAND and iDrive, but that's like saying brussel sprouts taste better than boiled cabbage and sauteed rat. It still takes too many steps to do a simple thing, and you spend way too much time in sitting in the garage with your seatbelt on trying to figure it out. I still haven't discovered how to change the North map orientation on the navigation screen. I couldn't keep track of how many times I just wanted to just press the desired function on the screen or just say what I want it to do like I can in a Lexus or Acuras. Also, the controls are placed too far rearward. Although I'm 6-foot-3, I have to move my arm back in an unergonomic way. I had my girlfriend (pictured) who's 5-foot-nothing try it out and she had to move her arm back even farther. I guess there's a reason Mercedes and BMW moved the shifter to the column, to free up space for the mouse. Here's a better idea, get rid of the stupid mouse!
These are probably things I would get used to after a few more nights in the Q7, and perhaps they are quirks that would make me fall deeply in love with the ol' girl. As for now, though, she had better look out for Dick Cheney.
desmolicious says:
11:02 AM, 04/ 6/07
Fave party trick back in the day when I had a job in the Valley (100+ in summer) was to turn on the seat heaters in my old Golf to fry the poor sap who called shotgun...
About the only thing in that car that didn't break...
zach101 says:
11:12 AM, 04/ 6/07
Great post!!
The seat heaters on my car are located near the floor against the door. It is the worst place! They always seemed to get bumped and turned on. Plus, you can't tell whether they've been bumped into because it's a single button that goes back into place when you push it. There's only a little light that illuminates on the button when they're on when the car's on.
SubyTrojan says:
11:23 AM, 04/ 6/07
Nice post, James!
I felt like I'm right there "suffering" with you!
I say it's time for Audi to pit the Q7 4.2 against the BMW X5 4.8i on "The Green Hell" - the Nurburgring Nordschleife, not to see which is faster, but show which can actually take seven around the track comfortably unlike the piling of clowns into the Bimmer and its third row.
banhugh says:
11:50 AM, 04/ 6/07
Indeed, nice writing skills and great informative pictures. Thanks for the post even though I do not agree with it completely.
blueguydotcom says:
01:44 PM, 04/ 6/07
Our A3 has the same idiotic seatbelt warning chime. The other day my fiancee demanded I set the homelink (lords knows the craftsman garage door opener is just soooo intrusive in the car).
So I got it all working and I was about to pull into the garage when I noticed the Audi techs had deleted all of her saved radio stations and the correct time during her service the day before. With the engine running, seat belt off, car in park, I began to adjust the time/presets. 20 seconds into a process I found myself assaulted by Audi's incessant demands that I wear a seatbelt while the car is in park.
Lighten up, Audi, have a pop tart!
mcloffs says:
11:42 AM, 04/ 7/07
Great post. Nicely summed up some of the reasons (in addition to the quality/reliability problems and horrific dealer network) why our current Audi will be our last.
blueguydotcom says:
11:58 AM, 04/ 7/07
What is up with Audi dealers? We had our first Audi service and those guys are horrible. I assumed - ignorantly - that Audi treated customers like BMW does. Hmmm, guess not. One more reason I'll stick to BMW.
jerseypr5 says:
09:00 AM, 04/ 9/07
I have always wondered why all V-Dub vehicles be it VW, Audi, or whatever have seat heaters that go up to five. The standard three level in the BMW, or the high/low in most Japanese vehicles works just fine, and will not cook your butt.
oldmanshirt says:
05:04 PM, 04/ 9/07
Does the MMI work with the engine off? It seems like most of those seatbelt chimes will only squawk if the engine is running.
jerrywimer says:
08:17 AM, 04/10/07
Great blog entry! Though I did get a bit of a kick when I read the following:
"Its contours at 3 and 10 are the exact shape of my lower thumbs"..
I guess the contours don't match the shape of your upper thumbs? (sorry couldn't help myself- the first image that came into my head when I read that sentence was of someone with a few extra appendages, all having additional thumbs! :D).
I'd have never thought the seat heat controls could be made so convoluted. Sometimes the simple tried and true methods are the best. Though I see no problem having an advanced MMI type controller where the center console mounted shifter is and the shifter being moved to the steering column- it's a better utilization of space, imo. The ubiquitous American cupholder can be better located, among other things.
cosanostra says:
05:14 AM, 04/12/07
Excellent post. Loved the "rom-com" theme. I'm not in the market for a Q7, but am looking at an A3. Interesting bits on the seatbelt warning. I'll have to check that out at my next test drive.